


once in a thousand years

by onekingdomonce



Category: Captive Prince - C. S. Pacat
Genre: Angst ish, Fluff, M/M, Post-Kings Rising
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-08-04
Updated: 2017-08-04
Packaged: 2018-12-11 02:55:24
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,234
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11705334
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/onekingdomonce/pseuds/onekingdomonce
Summary: Kallias had often dreamt of what it would be like to see Erasmus again, after Erasmus had been taken from Akielos.He no longer has to dream.Captive Prince Week 2017:Gardens





	once in a thousand years

Kallias was in the gardens, standing at the edge of the grounds, overlooking the ocean. It was dawn, and he could see the first appearance of light in the sky as the sun began to peak out from beyond the horizon, a golden glow streaming across the water in rivulets. Kallias often came here alone, strolling the pathways and trails, taking in the beauty that one must see themselves to believe. 

Though despite his young age and the confines of the palace life, Kallias had seen true beauty in his time, in innocent simplicity and heartwarming sweetness. It was the memories of such loveliness that kept Kallias up at night and brought him here at first light each day.

It felt stronger here, in the gardens, somehow. Perhaps it was because it was where they had once been together, sitting and talking and creating this special thing that had no place to be, but blossomed nonetheless. Perhaps it was because it was the one place that Kallias had considered _theirs._

But it wasn’t the same. This place may never be the same, because Kallias was alone. No matter how many times Kallias came here, longing filling him with a pressing ache in his chest, he remained hopeless and dethatched because he was not here. Years had passed and despite his foolish, futile hope, he had not come back to Kallias. 

Kallias let his eyes linger on the still waters for a few moments longer before letting out a defeated breath, pushing away from the stone ledge. He spared one last glance on the sky before turning away and towards the palace, only managing a few steps before halting in his spot, one foot extended before the other. Words lodged in his throat as he tried to comprehend, to understand, to believe.

It couldn’t be.

_It had been so long._

Kallias swallowed, a youthful part of him wanting to pinch himself and see if he would wake up from this dream, but he wouldn’t dare test this possibility. Even if this was a dream, he would fight the person that would try and wake him up from it.

“Erasmus.”

 

Kallias would never forget the last time he had seen Erasmus. It had been late, past midnight, darkness around them and the moon above them, a jagged, glowing line cut across the ocean. He would never forget the scented trees, the cooling breeze, the soft feeling of grass beneath his feet.

He would never forget the way Erasmus had looked. One second happy, so full of nervous excitement to see Kallias after so long apart. The next desolate, his face a confused, shattered mess as Kallias walked away from him in pain, Erasmus’ shocked, unsure cries of Kallias’ name calling out after him.

They had been here, Kallias realized. Right here in this spot when Kallias had Erasmus brought to him. When Kallias had done the hardest thing he had ever had to do. Harder that absorbing the knowledge of the fate that awaited his crown prince. Harder than all the nights he had to endure the older prince on his worst days, when he had Kallias brought to his rooms. 

It was impossible, and yet here Erasmus was. Standing before him with the same wide-eyed wonder that he’d always had. Those who did not know Erasmus saw him as simple, timid, but Kallias had known better. He knew all the secret hopes and dreams that Erasmus buried deep inside, deep below his innate inclination to serve and obey. 

Kallias knew, past tense, because he had given up any right to know Erasmus the moment he sent his other half away from Akielos. 

Erasmus had yet to speak. He was looking at Kallias, watching him wordlessly, an implacable expression on his delicate face. He looked different, aged, like he had seen and experienced things that Kallias could not imagine, but he somehow seemed the same as well. Like nothing had changed for him, for them, though Kallias knew that everything changed.

“I can leave,” Kallias said. “If you wish to be alone. I know how you love these gardens. It has been so long since you’ve been here.” Kallias stopped, and flinched at his own stupidity. Of course it had been long.

It was Kallias’ fault that Erasmus had been taken away from here, from a place he felt self. Kallias knew Erasmus wished to see the world, to cross the ocean, but not the way it had happened. Not ripped away from his friend, his solace, not understanding what he had done wrong to deserve Kallias’ actions.

But he had done nothing wrong. Erasmus could do no wrong in Kallias’ eyes. He was perfect. He was simply in the wrong place. He had been chosen from the wrong person. Erasmus was fit to serve kings, but not at the expense of the fate that awaited him as Prince Damianos’ slave. Kallias knew this, he had known this when he made the aching decision of what must be done. Of what he must do to save Erasmus’ life, but that did not make the execution any easier. That did not take away the sound of Erasmus crying out Kallias’ name in betrayal which played over and over in Kallias’ mind.

 _He will never forgive me,_ Kallias had though as he pressed his lips to Erasmus’. _He will never understand._

And now here they stood, facing each other, something Kallias never thought could happen. He pressed his lips together and waited, waited for Erasmus to turn and leave, or to send Kallias away, as Kallias had sent him. He knew better than anyone how unlike Erasmus such malice was, but he knew just as well the depth of confusion Erasmus must have felt. Even now that Damianos was king and Erasmus had connected that Kallias had tainted Erasmus so he would be spared from the fate of all of Damianos’ personal slaves, that would never take away the look of horror on Erasmus’ face from that night, or the amount of days Erasmus must have sat and wondered what he had done to deserve such betrayal. Not everything was so easily forgiven and forgotten. 

Erasmus raised his light brown eyes to Kallias’, and Kallias felt his throat grow tight as Erasmus took a hesitant step forward.

“Kallias.” 

He spoke softly, tenderly, in a way that was so like the Erasmus he once knew that it nearly brought Kallias to his knees. Kallias felt unworthy, and he had barely managed to whisper Erasmus’ name back to him before Erasmus was upon him, his arms around Kallias, their cheeks pressing as they once had, when it was the only form of intimacy they were allowed.

Kallias felt clumsy, over brimming with immeasurable joy as he wrapped his own arms around Erasmus. 

 

They were sitting on the grass, the action reminiscent of what they once did on long summer days, when they would talk endlessly about politics, art and mythology. The only difference now was that Kallias’ head was not on Erasmus’ lap, as it once had always been during their snatched moments. 

“You look well,” Kallias said. There were so many other things he wished to say, but he couldn’t find the words.

Erasmus looked down at that, his cheeks flushing immediately as if on cue. Kallias couldn’t help but smile at the sight, or at how normal this felt. 

“As do you,” Erasmus said softly, peeking up at Kallias from beneath his lashes. He looked around the trees and flowers, dedicating a lingering glance to each individual thing before looking back to Kallias. “You…”

“What?” Kallias asked.

Erasmus played with his hands as he spoke. “Slavery has been abolished in Akielos,” he said. “Kastor-Exalted is dead, but you are still in the palace.”

“Yes,” Kallias agreed. “It was hard at first,” he admitted. It was still hard at times. 

“The king gave me a position as a servant to help me adjust, to give me something to do as I found my place. He has been so good to me, to all of the slaves. So fair. I could never imagine leaving the palace, after all he has done for me.”

“You work as a servant now?”

“Yes.”

Kallias’ eyes fell to Erasmus’ neck, and drifted slowly down his limbs towards his wrists that were now balanced in his lap. He could not look away from the soft, delicate looking gold.

“They keep slaves in Vere?”

Erasmus looked startled at the question, his own eyes snapping back to Kallias. “Vere?” 

Kallias nodded, confused over Erasmus’ reaction. King Damianos had been taken to Vere, along with a boat full of palace slaves. Along with Erasmus.

“I belong to Prince Torveld of Patras,” Erasmus said.

Kallias blinked. “ _Patras?”_

“Yes,” Erasmus said. “I, along with all of the other slaves were taken to Bazal with Prince Torveld, not long after his visit to the palace in Arles.”

“I don’t understand,” Kallias said, trying to ignore the feeling in his chest from Erasmus saying he belonged to the prince. Erasmus was always meant to belong to someone else. “Why did you leave Vere?”

Erasmus’ mouth opened slightly, just for a moment before closing again. “It was not my decision,” Erasmus said. “King Laurent arranged it with the help of King Damianos, though neither of them were kings at the time.”

“But why?” Kallias insisted.

Erasmus was silent for a moment, not seeming to notice the way the breeze tousled his curls. Kallias noticed. 

“What do you know of Vere?” Erasmus asked eventually, his voice soft.

“Not much,” Kallias said. “Nor do I know much about your experience. I have asked King Damianos and King Laurent,” he admitted, looking down at his hands, feeling flushed. The bashful reaction more suited Erasmus, though it made him feel closer to him somehow. “Presumptuous, I know. But they did not give me much information.”

It had been one of the most daring things Kallias had ever done. After Damianos had retaken his throne in Ios, he had come for all of Kastor’s slaves, all those who had survived. King Laurent had been with him when he asked Kallias for all that he knew, being that he had been trained specifically for Kastor.

“This one is just a slave,” Kallias had said. “My knowledge is limited.” 

“Anything you can supply is helpful,” Damianos told him.

Kallias had seen King Damianos before, when he had served Kastor at the high table and the king had still been a prince, but he had never spoken with him. Despite his need to provide for his king in any way, words lodged in his throat. When he failed to speak King Laurent stepped closer, placing a hand on Damianos’ shoulder.

“Tell us of your training,” Laurent had said. “In the gardens.” 

And so they had started like that, coaxing small details out of him from simpler times, when he had not yet known of the treachery awaiting them all, and slowly made their way to the hardest parts of his story.

When Kallias had finished saying all that he knew, albeit a few unsure pauses and stammers, Damianos and Laurent nodded and stood, thanking him before making for the door.

“Exalted,” Kallias blurted, blushing profusely when they turned back to him. He took in a deep breath and steeled his nerves, summoning any ounce of strength he possessed before speaking. “There was someone I used to know, another slave in training.” His heart was beating so fast. “He was- sent away with you, to Vere. I know nothing about where he is now, or how he was treated there, and I-“

Kallias stopped. Forced himself to stop. He had no place to question a king or enquire information from him.

“Forgive me,” Kallias said. “I know better.”

But Damianos did not raise his voice, or glare at him menacingly with the eyes that Kallias remembered all too well from another man. Instead he stepped forward, returning to his seat before Kallias and looked at him with kind eyes. 

“Who?” he asked.

Kallias felt his heart speed up again. He hadn’t said the name aloud in so long.

“Erasmus.” 

Kallias saw something flicker in Damianos’ eyes, but his head was turned to King Laurent before Kallias could decipher what it was. They looked at each other silently for a few moments before Damianos turned back to him, the look now gone.

Kallias waited, his hands clasped tightly until Damianos spoke.

“I did not see him much,” Damianos said. His voice was deep, rich, but it had a soothing nature to it. “But from what I deduced, he fared well.”

“Well,” Kallias echoed.

“Yes,” Damianos said, after a pause “He- was safe.”

Relief. It hit Kallias so hard that he thought it would drown him, filling his lungs like mouthfuls of ocean water. Kallias wanted to kneel to the floor and kiss the ground by Damianos’ feet but he knew enough by now of Damianos’ new disposition that he no longer appreciated such acts.

“Thank you,” Kallias said, feeling like he could breathe again. “I- thank you.”

The kings exchanged once last glance before they nodded at him, bidding him a good night before leaving the room together.

“They said you were well,” Kallias said now. “Safe.”

Erasmus seemed to freeze for a moment. The only change in his position were his hands which had seemed to moved instinctively, towards the edge of his tunic on his thighs. 

“Erasmus?“

“I am very fortunate,” Erasmus said. The corners of his mouth lifted slightly. “A slave does not decide his own fate or where he resides. Prince Torveld treats me well.”

Kallias could not quell the bitter feeling inside him. For years he had not been a slave, and though at times he still struggled with the notion, it did not sit well with him to see Erasmus in the mental state that he had once been it.

It should not have been like this. The two of them, under such different circumstances now. Kallias was no fool, he knew Erasmus would have been killed had he not intervened that one night so long ago, but that knowledge did nothing to ease the fact that Kallias remained here and was now free, while Erasmus had been taken away through Kallias’ actions and was still a slave. 

Kallias couldn’t bear it, suddenly. He couldn’t go on as if nothing had happened, as if they weren’t in such different places in their lives because of Kallias. If he didn’t address it he would implode.

“I’m sorry,” Kallias said, feeling the words rush out of him. “I know I do not deserve your forgiveness for what I have done, but I need you to know how sorry I am. How sorry I am every day.”

Erasmus jolted, and Kallias felt it crack inside him. _He hates me._

But then Erasmus was shifting, moving his body towards Kallias, and breathing was difficult as their faces were close. Erasmus lifted a hand slowly, and it was simple instinct and longing that lifted Kallias’ own hand until their palms were touching, their fingers linking slowly.

“Kallias,” Erasmus said, his voice nothing but a breath. “You saved my life.”

Kallias wanted to close his eyes to properly absorb the delicate tone of Erasmus’ voice, but he could not look away if he wanted to.

“You didn’t know,” Kallias whispered. “You were so confused-“

“I was,” Erasmus amended. “I didn’t know what I did to hurt you, and I so badly wanted to take it back, but I know now.” He squeezed Kallias’ hand, and then blushed lightly at his own daring. “I understand everything now.”

It was silent between them. Kallias’ heart beat so hard against his ribcage that he feared it would burst out of his chest and into Erasmus’. The moment felt raw, etched in memories and wants and things that could never change. 

Kallias felt as if he was trembling, and he felt it in Erasmus too, in the way his hand shook and his lips moved. Kallias wanted to push closer, but instead he spoke.

“I miss you,” he said, his voice vulnerable in his own ears. “I miss my friend.”

Erasmus said nothing, but what was in his bashful eyes was response enough. Kallias knew he should stop, that he should pull away and put distance between them, but he was helpless to the words that left him.

“Do you remember,” Kallias said, “When I said that I wish you could be my first?”

Erasmus’ cheek flushed, a startling pink shade that caused Kallias’ face to feel warm as well. He knew such a statement was heavy for Erasmus, but Kallias had dreamt of the chance to say those words for years. He did not continue on with the question, simply looked at Erasmus, at the way Erasmus was looking at him.

“I’ve missed you too,” Erasmus whispered, barely audible. “I’ve thought of you so much, of if you were okay here alone. I-“ he didn’t finish. He didn’t have to. 

There was nothing Kallias wanted more than to kiss Erasmus. It had been so wrong the first time, and he deserved better than that. _They_ deserved better than that. 

But it was not the time for that. Erasmus was not ready for that, for in his mind he belonged to another. Kallias could not give him _this,_ so instead he would give him a promise.

“There is talk in the palace,” Kallias began. “Of slavery ending in Patras.”

Erasmus smiled, causing Kallias to smile back. “You always knew the best palace gossip,” Erasmus said.

“Did you know?” Kallias asked.

Erasmus did not answer immediately, instead looked down at his lap. “I don’t know what I would do with freedom.”

Kallias’ entire body ached, pulsing with the restraint of pulling Erasmus into him. He waited for Erasmus to look back at him before speaking,

“It was hard for me, at first,” he said. “I did not know my place. I did not know who to be, when I didn’t belong to someone. It was confusing, and overwhelming, but I will help you. There can be more to life than this.” He brushed his fingers against the gold on Erasmus’ creamy, slender neck, and he felt Erasmus’ pulse flutter there.

Kallias kept his fingers were they were, the movements from Erasmus’ shallow breaths making him feel daring. 

“Do you remember,” Kallias said, nerves fluttering in his stomach. “The verse you used to sing, in these gardens?”

There were many love poems that Erasmus enjoyed, and it was likely he did not know which one Kallias was referring to. Kallias felt lightheaded as he licked his lips, speaking slowly.

“ _In the columned hall, we embrace._ ”

Erasmus’ breath hitched. Kallias felt it in his pulse, beating against his fingertips. It was after a long stretch that Erasmus spoke, his voice soft like a melody.

“ _His cheek rests against mine._ ”

Kallias’ heart was soaring. He lowered his hand slowly down Erasmus side, falling to his wrist, around his cuff. “ _Happiness like this comes once in a thousand years._ ”

Kallias lowered his hand the rest of the way, linking his fingers through Erasmus’. Their eyes were locked, their hearts beating, and nothing in the world could disturb that moment. 

“When the time comes,” Kallias said. “I will be here, waiting for you.”

**Author's Note:**

> straight up drag me for not even mentioning why ersasmus was in ios, lets pretend im not a lazy editor and mentioned him being there with torveld for diplomatic reasons mmk  
> [ @laurent-ofvere](http://laurent-ofvere.tumblr.com)  
> 


End file.
